by Cindy Hanig, LMSW
Divorce is a life-altering event that impacts the entire family unit, especially the children. As someone who grew up in the midst of parental separation and divorce, I understand firsthand the challenges and complexities kids in these circumstances face. I spent time in my teens and young adulthood identifying and processing the true impact of my family’s dynamics, not just on my identity development but my entire childhood. As a therapist today, I find great wisdom in the struggles of my past, and I approach my practice with children and families coping with divorce through the unique lens of my own personal journey. My upbringing and subsequent road to healing contributed significantly to my professional path and how I strive to make a difference for others.
Growing up, I felt the turbulence of my parents’ divorce acutely. The sense of instability and emotional conflict was palpable. I experienced feelings of guilt, confusion, blame, and shame, which are all typical among children of divorced families. The feelings can be overwhelming, come at unexpected times in a child’s life, and can persist into adulthood. Some children will not process their parent’s divorce until their adolescent or teen years regardless of the age they were when the divorce occurred. Witnessing the emotional and psychological effects of divorce during my formative years gave me profound insight into the struggles faced by many of my clients and their families. Even when parents do their absolute best to protect their children, the emotional toll persists.
My own experiences ignited a passion for understanding the psychological impact of divorce. My desire to transform my personal journey into my professional career was a direct result of my own time spent in therapy. The benefits and gifts I received from my time in therapy are priceless. I developed a clear goal: to help others navigate the same challenges I once faced in a similar and supportive space so healing can begin.
In my practice, I heavily emphasize the importance of safety, understanding, and acceptance within the therapeutic environment and relationship. I understand how crucial it is for children of divorce to feel heard and supported, whether they're dealing with the immediate emotional impact, processing it during later stages of identity development, or addressing related issues as adults. It's equally important to offer support to parents as they navigate the complexities of divorce, co-parenting, and the dual roles of ex-partner and parent. My approach focuses on validating emotions, exploring how divorce affects self-esteem and relationships, and developing coping strategies tailored to their unique experiences.
Being a child of divorce, I sought out therapy and benefited immensely from the wonderful therapists I have seen in my life. My experience has taught me the importance of empathy in the therapeutic process. As one who can relate to the feelings of insecurity and confusion that many clients experience, my personal history allows me to connect on a deeper level, fostering trust and openness in our sessions. This connection helps clients feel less isolated and more understood, crucial for effective therapeutic work.
The journey from being a child of divorce to becoming a therapist is not just about understanding others but also about personal growth and resilience. It involves continuously reflecting on my own experiences and using that insight to guide and support others. My goal is to help clients build resilience and find hope, enabling them to move forward with a renewed sense of self and purpose.
In conclusion, my path from a child of divorce to a therapist for those impacted by divorce is a testament to the transformative power of personal experience. By channeling my own experiences into my professional practice, I aim to make a meaningful difference in the lives of those navigating the complexities of divorce like I once was. Through empathy, understanding, and support, I strive to guide others on their journey toward healing and growth.
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