By Melanie Froemke, LCSW, RPT-S, e-RYT200
July 18, 2024
But I didn’t always.
As a young adult, I would be hard on myself for not being able to keep my house in order, for not being able to finish projects, or not getting essential things done- like paying bills on time or getting the oil changed in my car when needed. Don’t get me wrong- I was a responsible Army Lieutenant and Captain as a young adult, but when it came to “boring” (non-preferred) tasks, I had a difficult time on the follow-through.
Even after becoming a psychotherapist later in my adult life, I remember not understanding ADHD at all. As a child of the 80’s (I know, I’m dating myself here), I grew up thinking that ADHD was what boys had who couldn’t stop moving- which equated to not following the rules (gasp!). I specifically remember fearing work with a young ADHD child- “what do I DO?” I remember asking my supervisor at the time. Without an in-depth understanding of ADHD, I thought my job was to “fix” the ADHD behavior- instead of understanding the behavior, and by extension, providing a space for the child and the parents to then understand their child and their child’s needs.
It’s been many years and much learning since that time. Along the way, I’ve worked with many clients with ADHD brains, and after getting diagnosed myself as an adult, I’ve learned so much more about ADHD and how it’s truly a superpower- once we can see it as such.
What A Diagnosis Means
“But you can’t have ADHD, you’re so successful!” My own mom was shocked with my diagnosis as an adult. In response, my mom recounted my high school years- when I was President of my high school class/student council, President of Teen Institute, State Representative for Key Club, Editor for the Yearbook (the list goes on and on). I responded to my mom- “yes, exactly! I was all over the place!” I remember doing EVERYTHING that came my way that I was interested in- and actual schoolwork taking a back seat. I had such difficulty finishing homework assignments with any remaining energy that I remember falling asleep on my kitchen floor, trying to trudge through a Chemistry or Algebra assignment. I’m honestly not sure how I made it through my academic coursework.
My own experience highlights how ADHD doesn’t always fit the mold- while hyperactive ADHD can show up as a lack of focus, poor grades, impulsive/risky behavior, or inability to keep still or sustain interest in projects, combined and inattentive ADHD can present very differently- often difficult to discern in school or work settings. Other types of ADHD may still present itself as impulsivity, a hyper busy brain, poor working memory, or difficulty switching off to relax.
Why Diagnose?
Why did I pursue a diagnosis? After working with many kids, teens, and adults with ADHD, I saw myself in their experiences. I could relate to the shifting attention, Rejection Sensitivity, and hyperfocus. I felt the responsibility to deepen my understanding of my own brain when I was asking my clients to do the same for themselves.
After receiving my ADHD diagnosis, I could look back and understand my own behaviors, shortcomings, strengths, and make sense of my experience.
From both a personal and clinical lens, understanding oneself in the world is powerful. Once we can understand our strengths AND weaknesses, we can get help where we need it- and not feel guilty about it.
Somewhere along the way I remember hearing the eyeglasses analogy for ADHD:
“you wouldn’t ask someone who needed glasses to try to SEE harder!” We can’t expect to ask an ADHD brain to begin a task or follow through on a less-preferred task without help. Looking back, I could understand and have compassion for my own difficulty with non-preferred tasks- as ADHD is truly not a deficit in attention, but a deficit in dopamine which makes it harder to engage or stay engaged in a non-preferred task.
ADHD Can Be a Superpower
From Nurturing Your Autistic Young Person:
"...ADHD can also bring great hyperfocus, great outside-the-box thinking, and a large dose of entrepreneurial spirit. Some CEOs and founders of some of the world’s largest companies are neurodivergent - Richard Branson, Elon Musk, Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad, creator of Pokémon Satoshi Tapir, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, to name a few. Focusing on the deficits of a short attention span and ignoring the plus sides is not fair or even sensible when the world obviously needs people who can think differently (Wassell, 101)."
As an entrepreneur now myself, I see the strengths in my ADHD. I see opportunities where others might see challenges. I see projects as passion- and love turning those into successes for the therapists on my team. I'm not afraid to lead in a different way than I learned or was led- to the benefit of our organization, cohesiveness, and clinical understanding. While I might think outside of the box, I'm not afraid to do so- and I'm immensely grateful for an incredible team who supports the vision I'm able to share.
From Misunderstanding to Supportive Resources
As a clinician, I love helping people understand themselves or their child. If it’s ADHD, we can start to understand the big feelings, the messy room, or the shifting attention- and build in scaffolding to support the individual where it’s needed. Perhaps school accommodations, breaking down tasks at home or school, or other tricks of the trade to help with task engagement. Even more importantly, providing psycho-education so that each individual can understand themselves and their experience in the world can be a game-changer. Highlighting the person’s strengths can shift the way they see themselves in the world. I definitely 💗 that!
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