Periods Shouldn’t Be a Conversation Only Some of Us Are Allowed to Have

This month, we’re highlighting guest blog posts, to bring awareness to different aspects of mental health with several of our community partners. Emily Coccia, Owner and CEO of Ms. Moxie’s Moon Shop is an expert on menstrual products, care, and women’s needs beyond menstruation- through peri-menopause and menopause. Hormones are an important part of our mental health! Hormones are an invisible, shifting contributor to our well-being, or can make us feel less so. When we can de-mystify periods, hormones, and monthly shifts, we de-stigmatize periods, menstruation, hormonal shifts…. All of it! Part of that needs to be including non-menstruators in the conversation! Please read on to learn more about Ms/ Moxie’s Moon Shop’s efforts to de-stigmatize menstruation & highlight their upcoming workshop for non-menstruators. 

-Melanie Froemke, Team Leader & Developer, River Grove Therapy

Why dads, partners, siblings and other non-menstruators belong in conversations about menstrual health—and what happens when they’re left out

Emily Coccia, Owner and CEO, Ms. Moxie’s Moon Shop

Think back to the first time you learned about periods.

Maybe a parent or caregiver sat you down for a very serious conversation. Maybe you learned in health class while everyone desperately avoided eye contact. Maybe a friend told you. Maybe you found period products in the bathroom and figured things out from there.

Or maybe no one really talked to you about periods at all.

For generations, menstruation has largely been treated as something women and girls are supposed to discuss among themselves. Mom explains periods. Mom handles the first-period emergency. Mom knows which products to buy. Dad politely stays out of it.

But even when that happens with the best intentions, it can send an unintended message:

Periods are something we don’t talk about with men or people who don’t menstruate.

And that matters—for everyone.

Why non-menstruators need to be part of menstrual health

Menstrual health isn’t just about knowing how to use a pad, tampon, cup or period underwear. It’s about understanding changing bodies, identity, relationships, recognizing when something might be wrong, knowing how to support someone in pain and creating places where people feel safe asking for help.

For young people especially, they’re figuring out what’s “normal,” what should be kept private, what they should feel embarrassed about, and which adults they can approach when something feels confusing, embarrassing, painful or scary. And the reactions of the people around them help shape how they feel about their bodies.

If periods are whispered about, a young person can absorb a bigger message: Something happening to my body isn’t okay to talk about.

That can affect more than one awkward moment in the bathroom. Menstrual stigma and lack of information or support have been associated with stress, anxiety and reduced participation in school and social activities.

And silence can make it harder to say:

Why does this hurt so much?

Is this amount of bleeding normal?

I bled through my clothes. What do I do?

I’m scared.

Something doesn’t feel right.

That shame has real consequences. According to The 2023 State of the Period Survey, 45% of teens said they had felt too ashamed or embarrassed to seek help when they had questions about their body. Among adults, that number was even higher: 53% had felt too ashamed or embarrassed to seek help about questions concerning their body.

When dads, partners, brothers, friends and other non-menstruators are comfortable with menstrual health, they expand the number of safe people someone can turn to.

That is why menstrual literacy is a mental-health issue, too.

You don’t have to menstruate to be supportive

Not everyone who menstruates is a girl or woman, and not every girl or woman menstruates. Families and support systems look different, too. This conversation includes parents and caregivers, siblings, grandparents, friends, teachers, coaches, coworkers and partners. And it also includes boys and young men.

Boys grow up alongside people who menstruate. They have classmates, friends, siblings, coworkers and partners who may menstruate. Some will eventually raise children who menstruate.

When boys understand menstruation as ordinary human biology instead of a mysterious “girl thing,” we have an opportunity to interrupt period stigma before it starts. 

We shouldn’t only focus on raising young people who aren’t ashamed of having periods. We should also raise people who don’t give them a reason to be ashamed.

Menstruators have a role in this, too

It’s easy to say, “Dads need to get more comfortable talking about periods,” or “My partner should understand this better.”

They should.

But those of us who menstruate—or have menstruated—also need to consider whether our own learned behaviors, discomfort, or instinct to protect others from awkwardness might unintentionally keep the non-menstruators who love us from being part of the conversation. 

If every time someone tries to help we say, “I’ll handle it,” they may learn that periods aren’t their territory.

If we tell a child, “You don’t need to know that because you’re a boy,” we reinforce the stigma we’re trying to dismantle.

If we never ask a partner to pick up our period supplies because we assume they’ll be uncomfortable, we never give them the opportunity to become comfortable.

Someone can be inexperienced without being incapable. They might buy the wrong product. They may ask an awkward question. They may misname a body part.

Give them room to learn. Menstrual literacy shouldn’t be something you have to earn by menstruating.

So, what can we actually do?

This doesn’t require one giant meeting called THE PERIOD TALK. In fact, please don’t do that. The most effective changes are remarkably ordinary. Here are 7 simple ways anyone can help normalize the conversation and reduce stigma:

1. Put period care out in the open.Keep a range of body-safe products and supplies accessible—disposable and reusable options, pain-relief tools and whatever your household actually uses. Everyone should know where they are.

2. Teach everyone the basics.Explain what periods and menstrual cycles are, how different products work and what common symptoms can feel like. Share your personal experiences—how you feel during different times of your cycle, what period products you like and why or how you felt when your first period came. Don’t reserve that education only for people who might menstruate.

3. Share the responsibility.Everyone can restock supplies, wash or care for reusable products when appropriate, make an emergency kit, pick someone up after a bleed-through, grab the heating pad or help schedule medical care.

4. Stop making periods the punchline.Skip the PMS jokes. Don’t tease someone for buying period products. Don’t blame every emotion on hormones. People—especially young people—notice those reactions and will immediately stop opening up. And that silence is where shame and loneliness begins.

5. Practice the awkward moments before they happen.Ask a young person: “If you got your period unexpectedly at school, what would you do?” Ask someone who doesn’t menstruate: “If a friend bled through their clothes, how could you help?”

6. Know when to speak up.Severe pain, very heavy bleeding, fainting or symptoms that interfere with everyday life deserve attention. No one should feel they have to decide alone whether something is “bad enough” to mention.

7. Make “I don’t know” a safe answer.You don’t need to know everything. Try: “I don’t know, but let’s find out together.” Questions about our bodies deserve answers, not embarrassment. And having someone to learn alongside is a lot less stressful than doing it all alone.

Our best advice? Make periods boring.

Not secret. Not shameful. Not something only certain people are allowed to discuss. Just a normal part of human health that sometimes requires products, information, medical care, practical help, cleanup and a little compassion.

Because the goal isn’t to make everyone talk about periods all the time. The goal is to make sure no one feels like they can’t.

Imagine someone bleeding through their clothes at school and a classmate quietly offering a sweatshirt instead of laughing.

Imagine a sibling who knows exactly where the period supplies are and can calmly help a younger sibling navigate their first period. 

Imagine a dad who can confidently pick up the right menstrual cup, period underwear or box of tampons without treating the errand like a crisis.

Imagine a partner who knows that debilitating period pain deserves support—not dismissal.

Imagine someone experiencing a scary symptom and knowing they have multiple people in their life they can talk to.

That’s what menstrual literacy can look like. And we can build it together.

If you are looking for a next step, on September 16, Ms. Moxie’s Moon Shop is inviting dads, partners, siblings, friends and other non-menstruators to: Pizza, Pints & Periods: Everything You Should’ve Learned in Health Class. Think of it as the health-class do-over a lot of us could use. 

And if you menstruate? Invite someone you love to join us. Give them the chance to learn how to better support you.

Periods affect more than the person bleeding. It’s time we all knew how to talk about them.

AI Disclosure: AI was used to check grammar and to pull relevant statistics and sources.