Back-to-School Anxiety: Helping Children Prepare Emotionally Before the First Day

By Lucas Watling, MSW

As summer begins to wind down, families often find themselves shifting quickly back into school mode. Backpacks are packed just as much as family schedules! For some children, the return to school brings excitement. For others, it can bring a growing sense of worry. Back-to-school anxiety is common, especially when children are facing a new teacher, a different classroom, changing friendships, increased academic expectations, or an entirely new school. Even children who have enjoyed school in the past may feel nervous as the first day approaches. Parents can help make this transition easier by preparing children not only practically, but emotionally.

What Back-to-School Anxiety Can Look Like

Children do not always say, “I’m anxious about school.” Instead, anxiety often shows up through changes in behavior, emotions, or even physical symptoms. In the days or weeks before school, parents might notice:

• More frequent stomachaches or headaches

• Difficulty falling asleep or changes in sleep

• Increased irritability or emotional outbursts

• Clinginess or difficulty separating from caregivers

• Repeated questions about teachers, classmates, schedules, or what will happen

• Statements such as “I don’t want to go” or “What if something bad happens?”

• Avoiding conversations or activities related to school

• Increased perfectionism or worries about making mistakes

These behaviors are not necessarily signs that something is seriously wrong. Transitions naturally involve uncertainty, and children often communicate stress through their behavior before they have the words to explain what they are feeling.

Start Rebuilding Predictability

One of the most helpful things parents can offer an anxious child is a sense of predictability. During summer, bedtime, meals, screen time, and morning routines often become more flexible and inconsistent. Suddenly returning to a structured school schedule can make the transition feel even bigger. A week or two before school begins, gradually start moving toward the school-year routine. Adjust bedtime and wake-up times, begin eating breakfast around the time your child normally would before school, and talk through what mornings will look like. For younger children, you can even create a simple visual schedule showing the steps of their morning: wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, grab their backpack, and leave for school. Knowing what happens next can make an unfamiliar transition feel much more manageable!

Make Space for the Worries

When children express anxiety, adults naturally want to reassure them.

“You’re going to be fine!”

“There’s nothing to worry about.”

“You always end up liking school once you get there.”

Although these responses come from a caring place, children first need to know that we understand why they are worried.

You might ask… 

“What part of going back feels the hardest?”, or

 “If you could know one thing about the first day right now, what would you want to know?”

Some children communicate more comfortably through play, drawing, storytelling, or imagination than through direct conversation. A child might draw what they imagine their classroom will look like, act out the first day with toys, or create a story about a character who is nervous about starting school. The goal is not to convince your child that nothing difficult will happen. It is to communicate: Whatever happens, we can handle it together!

Practice the Unknown

Anxiety often grows when children imagine situations they cannot predict. Whenever possible, make the unfamiliar a little more familiar. Drive or walk past the school. Look at pictures of the building together. Practice getting ready in the morning. If the school offers an orientation or open house, consider attending. You can also role-play situations your child is worried about.

“What could you do if you don’t know where your classroom is?”

“What could you say if you want to play with someone at recess?”

“Who could you ask for help if you’re confused?”

Instead of providing every answer yourself, help your child generate possibilities. This shifts the focus from “What if something goes wrong?” toward “What could I do if that happens?” That small change can help children experience themselves as capable rather than helpless!

Help Your Child Build a Coping Toolbox

Children benefit from having a few simple strategies they can use when anxiety shows up during the school day. Depending on your child’s age and personality, their “toolbox” might include taking several slow breaths, noticing five things they can see around them, squeezing and relaxing their hands, repeating a reassuring phrase, drawing, asking an adult for help, or thinking about a safe and comforting person or place. Practice these strategies before the first day rather than introducing them only when your child is already overwhelmed.

You can also help your child identify previous moments when they handled something difficult. Remembering, “I was scared before soccer camp and eventually made a friend,” or “I didn’t know anyone in my class last year either, but I figured it out,” helps children connect with evidence of their own resilience.

Keep Goodbyes Warm and Confident

For children who struggle with separation, the first few drop-offs can be particularly difficult. It can be tempting to prolong the goodbye when your child becomes upset. However, lengthy or unpredictable goodbyes can sometimes unintentionally communicate that separation really is something dangerous. 

Instead, develop a short and consistent goodbye ritual. It might be a hug, a special phrase, a high five, or a reminder of when you will see each other again. To make it even more unique, a little touchstone/pebble can be passed from parent to child as a sensory “worry stone” for them to “put their worries in” throughout the school day. These strategies can help with transitions, especially for children struggling with separation anxiety. As far as what to say to help this transition, you can acknowledge the emotion while still communicating confidence:

“I know saying goodbye feels hard today. I love you, and I know you can do this. I’ll see you after school.”

Children borrow a great deal of information from the adults around them. A caregiver who communicates warmth, calmness, and confidence can become an important source of emotional safety.

Remember That Adjustment Takes Time

The first day of school does not have to determine how the entire year will go. Some children walk into school confidently on day one and struggle several weeks later. Others cry during the first few mornings and gradually settle into their new environment. Both can be normal. Rather than asking only, “Did you have a good day?” try questions that leave room for mixed experiences:

“What felt easiest today?”

“What felt tricky?”

“Was there anything that surprised you?”

“Who did you spend time with?”

“What is one thing you know now that you didn’t know this morning?”

Children can have a hard moment and still have a successful day. Helping them recognize both builds a more flexible understanding of difficult emotions. Building these reflective conversations into a night-time routine can also be very helpful in getting their worries out before sleeping into the next school day.

When Back-to-School Anxiety May Need Additional Support

Some nervousness around the beginning of school is expected. However, additional support may be helpful when anxiety becomes intense, persists after the adjustment period, or begins interfering significantly with a child's daily life. Parents may want to seek additional support if their child consistently refuses school, experiences frequent physical complaints related to attendance, has significant sleep disruption, experiences panic-like symptoms, withdraws from activities they previously enjoyed, or becomes increasingly distressed despite support at home and school.

Therapy can give children a developmentally appropriate space to understand their anxiety, build coping skills, increase confidence, and communicate experiences that may be difficult to put into words. At River Grove Therapy, we support children, adolescents, and families navigating anxiety, transitions, school-related stress, and other emotional challenges. Through developmentally appropriate and relationship-focused therapy, we help children understand their emotions, strengthen coping skills, and feel more confident navigating the experiences ahead.